I bet she likes her body
I’ve come to the realisation that if you don’t like the way your body looks you only really have two options: learn to accept and cherish your lovely lady lumps or do something about it. If you can look in the mirror ass naked, nod appreciatively and say “I’d hit that” then this post is not for you. If you cried for half an hour last time you went into an Urban Outiftters changing room because of the way your rolls hung over those skinny jeans then you might want to read this.
It’s not actually that hard/expensive to get into shape, you don’t have to join a gym or go on that awful looking Jenny Craig diet. It’s free to go for a light jog/ brisk walk for an hour every morning and ask yourself if you really want that second helping of beef stroganoff for dinner. Swap the fizzy drinks for water and accept that broccoli is not in fact the anti-Christ. Turn on the fitness channel and do that weird yoga/ jazzercise thing they have or just turn on a Travis Porter mixtape and bounce that ass, shake that ass, like the twerk team.
Hello To You Too
If you’re looking for a quick fix don’t act like you haven’t heard of the miracle of shapewear. Wonderbras are the saviour for ladies with little bitties and spanx have arrived to deliver us all from protruding bellies. With all of the things out there to enhance and nip and tuck your body into unnatural proportions, there’s really no reason for you to look close to the goddess figure you wish you had.
But also, while it’s nice to want a body like the ladies in the beer adverts, you probably shouldn’t aim for that and just try and get to a stage where you’re happy with yourself. Also, those girls probably go to the gym for 5 hours a day and eat half a rice cake for dinner and don’t have time to do awesome things like not go to the gym for 5 hours a day and not eat half a rice cake for dinner. So there’s that.
I most certainly don’t have the perfect body (I have a bootydew- my stomach sticks out more than my booty do), but after going to the gym and re-evaluating the need for chocolate brownies in my life, I’ve reached the point where looking at myself naked in the mirror doesn’t make me fall into the foetal position and cry myself to sleep.
I think women really should either love their bodies or work to get to a stage where they feel comfortable loving their bodies and start concentrating on something more pressing like equal pay for women? Reducing the rate of teen pregnancy? Finding a way to make Oprah Winfrey POTEW (president of the entire world), so she can give us all free sedans? Whatever it is, body image should not be so consuming that it negates us from achieving great things.
But in the mean time: round of applause, baby make that ass clap…
Tags: Body Image, Drake, Fitness, lady thoughts, Losing weight, Round of Applause, Spanx, Waka Flocka, wonderbra
